Puerto Rican Truffles- Mobile!

Puerto Rican land crabs...on this island they are the official Caribbean mobile living truffles.

We rented a house on the beach in Rincon this past week. To get to it you drove down this long driveway that was bordered by jungle and grassy marsh. And each day we noticed a bunch of cars pulling up to the edge of our house and these very rustic looking Puerto Rican locals would get out and head into the woods. They were secretive about what they were doing, quiet, and we're carrying machetes.

Finally, my wife just walked up to one and said- "What are you guys doing back there?" Honestly, I was torn between fear for her and amazement that she had the guts to just walk up them (you know, considering the machete thing and all...).

The man was actually a medical assistant at a hospital, totally well educated, spoke English perfectly and all of that even though he was covered in biting red ants, flies, and other bugs. He said he and his cousins had been working these fields for quite some time- patiently checking their traps each day for land crabs. They're fast, nasty, and they bite badly- as was displayed by his bleeding thumb.

A bushel of 20 or so was $40 wholesale. And so, the next day he came back with one. He was very excited for us to try them. You have to boil them a couple of times to get out the dirt and piss he said (yes...piss), but then he promised they would be amazing.

How were they? Think eel crossed with porcinis. It's a very earthy palate. Not sure I liked them, but I know I didn't not like them. The sofrito verde I served them with pretty much melded the funky earthiness out of them. Brought it back to more of a "crab" palate.

Regardless, in Puerto Rico- this is it! The creme de la creme- the best. The Caribbean truffles: Puerto Rican land crabs.

It's time for Smells Like Teen Spirit again...

Am I alone in saying that food/wine are in a rut? It almost feels like that period in the late '80s for music- at the end of Guns & Roses' time- when music was just all around boring. And then came Smells like Teen Spirit...

I dined at an excellent restaurant the other night- Mosaic in St James, Long Island. It reminded me a little of Cesare in Barolo as both Cesare and the chefs at Mosaic don't do a la carte menus. Both sets of chef(s) start their days at the market and then build their restaurant's menu from scratch every single day.

I have to say that if I were a restauranteur I would be shaking my head. How does the business model work? How do you control costs consistently? What about the regulars who come weekly to dine on their favorite standard dishes? Etc...

But as a diner, this rocks. I can cook. Well, I think I can cook all right, but let's just say I can get around the kitchen and make something edible without much stress. And left with enough time and resources I can probably tackle Keller recipes all right. So, going out to dine is more theatre for me. I want two things: I want to be fed (I hate 1 ounce portions) and I want my oral eyes to be opened. I want to be wow'd.

And one more thing- I don't want to choose. When I go to a restaurant I'm in someone else's kitchen, not my own...I want to eat what they think is good.

And so, all of this ranting and raving for a single statement....Restauranteurs, my perfect restaurant: You show up. There is one price. And then the chef just starts sending small plates- lots of them. If wine list- awesome- older vintages please, priced well. If not, a beautiful by-the-carafe rouge and blanc. Simple. Fresh, and pure. Both chilled.

That's it. Give me Picasso, Monet, Van Gogh....but please not Hallmark.

Maybe it's time for Smells Like Teen Spirit again?